5 February 2012, 11:26 am
Is this short story ok? There was fresh paint dripping of the walls, the forks and knifes were neatly wrapped in tissue paper and placed on the table. The music playing in the background sounded good for ballroom dancing. The waiters bustled around in their stark white uniforms. I could tell that my belly button was peeking out of my black cropped top, which went perfectly with my dark denim high wasted shorts; under it I was wearing pantyhose. He was more than 30 minutes late for our first date. As I took out my phone to check the time a raspy voice from behind me asked “Are you Emily Stevens?” I turned around I saw a man with piercing blue eye and flushed cheeks. He had a grin on his face. He had unlaced sneakers and a pungent smell. He carried a torn briefcase. I replied “Yes.” “I am Brian Montgomery,” he suggested. As he sat down I noticed scrapes and scars all over his hand. He seemed very nervous and uneasy. His voice was unsteady and he kept fiddling with his hands. He would stutter at every sentence. He kept getting phone calls and text messages. He would always turn around and check behind him as if someone was after him. He seemed very suspicious. But I didn’t give it too much thought. But soon I was lost in his eyes like pools and I didn’t even know what we were talking about. I hear him mention skydiving. He seemed like such a different guy. But my fantasy came to a sudden stop when a man in a police uniform shouted “Brian Montgomery, put your hands up you are under arrest! We caught you red handed” “What?!?!” I panicked That was my story. what can i do to improve it and make it shorter. and also is that how i should end it. Do you have another idea for the ending? Thank you... Read More »
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